It's amazing how an innocent looking bag such as the one above can provoke so much thought and emotion in people - you can count me among them. Hate, disgust, fright, love, apprehension, anticipation but most of all hope.
I had built myself up to the point of expecting the second coming walking into my room but as it was, when one of my nurses walked in carrying one of the IT girls of chemo (Melphalan), it wasn't so much gold, frankincense and myrrh - more like oh, that's intense and grrrr! I had taken on board all the hideous side effects and signed the relevant consent forms but it was all a bit of an anti-climax.
I was given it through my sexy new appendage PICC and told I had around 12 hours till the first side effects would start showing themselves. It is all a bit undignified what they are so I won't go into detail here. Apparently, it gets REALLY fun when I get my stem-cells back tomorrow. It will be a whole new me so brace yourselves! The chemo's job is to strip me off of all the bad cancer cells (fingers crossed) and my all singing all dancing new stem cells are told to go forth and multiply! Unfortunately the chemo not only destroys bad cells but good cells too hence feeling grim and a little splat.
In relation to this, I will be known as "neutropenic" for a period of time. This where I am at greater risk of infections from others and from bacteria or fungus in foods. Here's the science;- the white blood cells (neutrophils) that would usually fight food poisoning bacteria are at a low level. The gut lining acts as a barrier between bacteria and the bloodstream. Chemo and radiotherapy damage the gut lining making it easier for any bacteria to cross the barrier. I, therefore, had a meeting with a rather lovely dietician who advised me on what foods I can eat. She might be single boys, I'll let you know.
In a nutshell I will be eating in a world of bland for god knows how long
:-( How depressing.
I love food. Eating is such an enjoyable experiencce and I adore the whole social aspect that goes with it. Whether it is eating in a Michelin star restaurant or the local curry house, it is such a pleasure, obviously if the food is good! It is one of many reasons I love France and the whole French lifestyle thing that revolves around their cuisine. Ah well, never mind. Like with many things to do with this illness, it's just another thing to put on hold. Jacket potato anyone?
Have spent most of today trying to entertain myself. I have been making friends with the nurses who are fab. Most of today has also seen me driving myself mad trying to work out where the bright fuchsia pink lights are coming from towards north London! I need to know as it is ruining my vista when I look out of my window when it gets dark!
Mat's spatial awareness (and Googlemaps) enabled him to confirm that my room is NW facing so I have Wembley stadium, Primrose Hill and Hampstead to look at. And these bright fuchsia pink lights which are towards Camden or in Camden itself. I think it might be coming from the Roundhouse and I actually tried ringing them to ask but there was no answer. Yep, this is how sad I have become! Where are these lights coming from?! Are they Christmas lights? For a festival? It's driving me insane, more out of curiousity than anything else. Please put me out of my misery if you know, either in the comments section or in an email. I will think of a prize to whoever puts me out of my madness - picture attached. It's rubbish because my camera phone is not great but you can at least see the pink lights in the middle, yes?!? Kira and Sean, I apologise for wittering on about this to you earlier. You poor things having to endure the ramblings of a mad woman!
I brought myself back to reality by watching an excellent documentary on pandas! Did you see it? Cool or what? You can't really go wrong with David Attenborough and pandas. And they are such brilliant animals.
A lot stupid but cute all the same. I can think of people I know like that!
Anyways, my 12 hours is nearly upon us so I will either turn into Cinderella at midnight or meet the Grinch. Well done Ben on being the Sami Nasri of this evening's football team and thank you Sam for the offer of seeing Arsenal. I'm afraid, like Alan Shearer my football days are behind me for now. Although as you mentioned, we will have the lack of hair in common soon. Me and Alan Shearer that is, not you!
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