Porto - In sickness & in health

May has always been  a bit of a strange month for me. It doesn't know what it wants to be for a start. Spring or Summer? Oh, it's in between. Hot or cold. Oh, it's in between. Happy or sad. Oh, it's in between. This isn't May - it's me at the moment.

I 'celebrated' my 'cancer-versary' last week on 19th May. Six years since my life first changed with that diagnosis.
Today, I wish I was celebrating another anniversary but obviously I'm not. It had been the happiest day of my life and the date deliberately chosen to overshadow one of the saddest. Instead, I now have a double day dose of May misery.

So to overcome that I'm in Portugal with Sarah and Rhian. Specifically, Porto & by the end of this week Lisbon. I'm here with my favourite Welsh girls to soak up what Portugal has to offer and to enjoy. To enjoy life and to remember all the good it has to offer.

We arrived late yesterday straight into a nice hotel with a scary lampshade and a very authentic Portugese restaurant down the road. The food was interesting to say the least. Now I know that serving a tasty hunk of steak with some crisps on top is Portugese cuisine, dinner parties will never be the same again!

Bit like life I suppose, just full of surprises.

Shine On

After my skin cancer scare, I went a bit socializing crazy. Call it release, post-traumatic stress relief or just a simple I want to forget about any more worry and sadness if only for a little bit.

I didn't do anything extraordinary, meet anyone special or experience anything different. I ate, drank and was merry. I was just me. You could even say I just carried on with my life as we know it but I was definitely blocking stuff out instead of dealing with the situation. I think I am dealing with it better again although in doing that I'm crying more and feeling hurt. I tell myself that every day matters, I'm still breathing and life goes on. It's just really f-cking hard sometimes.

In therapy speak, it's a process. A bit like baking bread I suppose. All that mixing, kneading and effort to produce something worth having. I could tell you about all the fancy restaurants and bars I've been to but I won't at the moment. It just doesn't seem important.

Instead, I'll talk about the first UK young adult cancer conference I went to at the end of April. It was organised by Shine Cancer Support which is a charity founded to support those with cancer in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Basically, anyone who has cancer under 50 is classed as 'young' and Shine Cancer Support helps provide a network for those of us who have differing needs from people a lot older going through cancer. Our life stages and experiences are just way more different so it helps to meet others who are more 'relatable'. Learn more about Shine Cancer Support <<<<<< click.

I didn't know what to expect and I was a little nervous about attending but from the moment I saw the tweet promoting the conference I really wanted to go. To be educated mostly, to learn more about coping and dealing with all the crap and to learn from those that have gone through this bastard illness and are getting on just like me. I think mostly I just wanted to see what it was all about and therefore prove to myself that I'm doing OK and that things will get better.

I'm really glad I went. I felt humbled and inspired in equal measure and met the most terrific people. I also felt sad. Sad that I was attending alone and didn't have anyone with me to immediately share all these new experiences with.  Sad that there were so many brilliant people there who have had to endure the horrible everything that this illness brings. However, it reminded me that life goes on no matter what. That I'm stronger than I think. That I'm resilient and that I will never, ever give up.

Shine on.