Hair cut - at last!

Today I got my hair cut. As in a wash, cut and blow dry hair cut. In a proper salon that offers a selection of drinks and a head massage. With a proper hairdresser sporting a man bun, cool tattoos, a lovely beard and glasses. A hairdresser that says things like, "It's not what you take off but what you leave on that's the most important ...." I think he was talking about short hair! All the usual stuff that you would expect for your hard earned cash.

Except I've waited months for this. Months and months of having to look into the mirror and hating what I see. Wearing a wig and worrying about it pinging, blowing, falling or sliding off. Of stroking my bald skinhead and loving the feel of it but hating what it represents.

Now? I've got a haircut and I'm beginning to feel 'normal' again. As you can see from the photos below, it's not the best haircut in the world nor is it the most different but it's MY haircut. I know I'm smiling in the photos but I did have a big cry earlier as this meant so much to me.

My hair is something that this hideous disease can't take away from me. It's growing back. It's coming back. Just like I am.

Washed and ready for my hair cut in the salon

Huuuge forehead shot! Ignore the zit

Crop shot

Yet another crop shot

Vanessa through the looking glass

All photos belong to shewithacapitalV

January 2016 - thank you and goodbye

So, January is over and this is my first blog post of 2016. It's been abit of an up and down month for me. I'll try and keep it upbeat - with photos!

I'm still processing the causes of my recent life upheavals while trying to not let the hideous circumstances define me. Sometimes it's tough. I'm doing my best to move on, to understand but at times I do feel overwhelmed by it all. My sadness account is still very much in the black. Grieving for a life gone but with no dead body to bury. Imagine that. As I've said before, my life recently is like a bad Eastenders Christmas special. Except it's all true.

January is such a wretched month anyway and you would think that you couldn't get any more miserable. But no, it decides to punch us hard in the face with the cancer deaths of some of our much loved cultural icons. I'm not clever enough to write a well thought out piece on their impact or the process of public grieving. I am, however, experienced in the feelings that bubbled up when I heard the cancer deaths of David Bowie, Alan Rickman and now Terry Wogan. Let's throw in Lemmy for good measure. Disbelief and unbelievable sadness. F*ck cancer and another goodbye to my youth and childhood references. Farewell January, you horrible, horrible month.

On a much happier note and being effectively single and time rich, I'm pleased to say that my ridiculously amazing 'support team' are continuing to indulge my inner silly and general liking for all things fun.

So in no particular order, some of this month's shenanigans;

- if I've not been drinking wine, I've been eating cheese.
- if I've not been watching TV, I've been watching plays - one very moving one on North Korea and one tranquiliser of a Jacobean revenge play. Don't ask.
- if I've not been having a laugh with parking attendants and coffee baristas, I've been swapping dirty jokes with furniture designers.
- if I've not been dancing until 3am with a bunch of gay friends in their living room, I've been in the kitchen dancing with a couple of 2 year olds.
- if I'm not walking alone in the woods, I'll be rambling or walking with Max or Sam B.
- if I'm not drinking cocktails in the Shard saying goodbye to beautiful Sam C, I've been drinking cocktails by the Thames with gorgeous Sarah.
- if I'm not swimming, I'll be practising my breathing. Again, don't ask.
- if I'm not bitching about my hair, I'll be bitching about the spot on my forehead.

There has been much more mischief of course but you get the picture. It's all about living 'normally' again for me and trying to find yet another new normal - whatever this is. I wasn't expecting to do it all alone but I guess I am now. I suppose you could say that I'm not really alone and that loneliness is a state of mind but I think that's for another blog post.

Oh and amongst all this, I've been given a 'Stringent Complete Remission' diagnosis which basically means currently, I'm cancer free. Go me! I'm never going to be out of the woods but let's try and make this one last for as long as possible. I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I do know that for this year, I just want to be fitter, stronger, better - in every way. That's not much to ask for is it?

Crocheting goodness

Richmond rambling

Beginning of the end....one of many!!

London walking

The morning after the night before

Saying goodbye to beautiful Sam C. Real tears!