She With A Capital V: January 2016 - thank you and goodbye

So, January is over and this is my first blog post of 2016. It's been abit of an up and down month for me. I'll try and keep it upbeat - with photos!

I'm still processing the causes of my recent life upheavals while trying to not let the hideous circumstances define me. Sometimes it's tough. I'm doing my best to move on, to understand but at times I do feel overwhelmed by it all. My sadness account is still very much in the black. Grieving for a life gone but with no dead body to bury. Imagine that. As I've said before, my life recently is like a bad Eastenders Christmas special. Except it's all true.

January is such a wretched month anyway and you would think that you couldn't get any more miserable. But no, it decides to punch us hard in the face with the cancer deaths of some of our much loved cultural icons. I'm not clever enough to write a well thought out piece on their impact or the process of public grieving. I am, however, experienced in the feelings that bubbled up when I heard the cancer deaths of David Bowie, Alan Rickman and now Terry Wogan. Let's throw in Lemmy for good measure. Disbelief and unbelievable sadness. F*ck cancer and another goodbye to my youth and childhood references. Farewell January, you horrible, horrible month.

On a much happier note and being effectively single and time rich, I'm pleased to say that my ridiculously amazing 'support team' are continuing to indulge my inner silly and general liking for all things fun.

So in no particular order, some of this month's shenanigans;

- if I've not been drinking wine, I've been eating cheese.
- if I've not been watching TV, I've been watching plays - one very moving one on North Korea and one tranquiliser of a Jacobean revenge play. Don't ask.
- if I've not been having a laugh with parking attendants and coffee baristas, I've been swapping dirty jokes with furniture designers.
- if I've not been dancing until 3am with a bunch of gay friends in their living room, I've been in the kitchen dancing with a couple of 2 year olds.
- if I'm not walking alone in the woods, I'll be rambling or walking with Max or Sam B.
- if I'm not drinking cocktails in the Shard saying goodbye to beautiful Sam C, I've been drinking cocktails by the Thames with gorgeous Sarah.
- if I'm not swimming, I'll be practising my breathing. Again, don't ask.
- if I'm not bitching about my hair, I'll be bitching about the spot on my forehead.

There has been much more mischief of course but you get the picture. It's all about living 'normally' again for me and trying to find yet another new normal - whatever this is. I wasn't expecting to do it all alone but I guess I am now. I suppose you could say that I'm not really alone and that loneliness is a state of mind but I think that's for another blog post.

Oh and amongst all this, I've been given a 'Stringent Complete Remission' diagnosis which basically means currently, I'm cancer free. Go me! I'm never going to be out of the woods but let's try and make this one last for as long as possible. I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I do know that for this year, I just want to be fitter, stronger, better - in every way. That's not much to ask for is it?