Harry Potter and the deathly traffic

Harry and Hagrid made a dash to Waitrose as soon as they were told of 
new stock of the Heston Blumenthal orange Christmas pudding


I think the whole of Surrey decided to come out earlier today!Having endured a few days being cooped up indoors because of the snow, the first sight of sunshine and a long awaited thaw resulted in total gridlock in the Mole Valley area.  I had never seen so many cars!  Lots of 4x4s being driven by yummy mummy types struggling in the ice but this is Surrey, don't you know, and I will take my time reversing even though I am clearly having problems controlling this car....Wanting to entertain myself stuck in traffic, I observed the facility of a push button being used to shut the boot of a 4x4 Audi rather than having to use your arm to do so. How cool is that?!? Yes, it doesn't take much to impress me!

We were pretty lucky in that we were only travelling 2 miles to Epsom but I had never seen so many cars and people out and about round here.  I know it didn't help that today is a Saturday three weeks before Christmas but I have never seen all the shops so busy.  I thought there was a recession on?  I only wanted a few bits and pieces for going into hospital! 

It was mayhem in Sainsbury's where trying to find parking space was a little crazy compared to how it usually is. I think people were also still a little cabin feverish as I had a woman get a little irate with me as I had the audacity to tell her to join the back of the queue as she had pushed in whilst we were waiting to pay for our shopping.  Shame. The "Fast Track" line wasn't being very Fast Track and no one else was going to say anything to her even though everyone else all thought it!  Oh well, never going to see her again!  You can take the girl out of Essex .....

After all the palaver, Mat and I decided to escape the madness by jumping into the cinema to watch the new Harry Potter film. We have been watching the Harry Potter films since the very first one and the only time we have missed the first showing was with this current one as I was too unwell to go and watch it at the first midnight showing.  Yes we're a couple of saddoes but come on, its Harry Potter!?!  It's got to be done!  Thought this latest one was really well made with great acting, good pacing of the story and Rupert Grint didn't gurn once which was a bonus! Highly recommended. 

Have spent the evening OD-ing on reality tv where I had the misfortune of hearing one of the X-Factor lot murdering Love The Way You Lie (it was one of my favourite songs from this year) and Stacey Solomon winning I'm A Celebrity.  I absolutely love Stacey and I'm really glad she won.  A girl who unashamedly chooses savaloy and chips when told she could have anything she wants to eat is absolute quality in my book!  How funny was she?! Anyway, Mr Buble is on the tv so might catch a bit of him before I hit the sack. He's always good for eye candy.  And he can sing too so bonus all around :-)

Photo courtesy of Warner Bros/Jaap Buitendijk from uk.movies.ign.com website

Ice, ice, baby

Our front garden - Nov 2010

I’m SO OVER all this frickin snow!!  It’s like meeting up with an ex-boyfriend that ended on good terms.  You get all excited seeing them, even thinking about how pretty it all looks and all the fun you could have but ultimately, and depending on what you do, it’s all a bit cold and wet and damp and not really worth it. Bring on a balmy day in May!!

Drove back from Walton-on-Thames last night where it was more like ice-skating in the car and I got to experience the ABS in our car for the first time. Not doing that again.

In addition, because my hospital admittance has been delayed until the 6th Dec, I thought I would have this week to gad about town meeting up with folks for some much needed fun and frolics but due to this weather and our rubbish public transport me and my plans have been curtailed!   Rubbish.  At this rate, I will really end up institutionalised by the time the end of December comes what with being in hospital as well!  I will be like old man Brooks from the Shawshank Redemption and won’t want to go out, carving my name on the wall and the like :-(

Anyway, I have been cheering myself up by playing about on Grooveshark and throwing some shapes to some disco classics - a little bit of Barry White, mixed with Kool and the Gang via Tavares, the Real Thing and a little Chic.  Ohh yeah!  And I thought I would throw in some Lady Gaga in the mix too. Check. Me. Out.  I am a disco diva! ;-) Woo!  Hoo!  ♪ Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah, Roma, roma, ma,, Ooh La la ♫...

This was in between following the England 2018 World Cup bid. My god, how awesome was their presentation this morning???  I actually got a lump in my throat watching it and felt really excited about us getting the bloomin thing in 8 years.  I even got all nostalgic for Euro 96 when I whiled away many a match in pubs cheering on England.  Then Russia and its many millions of roubles  (allegedly *cough*) came along and ruined the party!  Gutted. And how disappointing for England.  I would be interested to see how Qatar will host all these matches in 50-degree temps in June/July and as a “dry” country how it will deal with all the football fans coming over?

Anyway, as an aside just wanted to say how absolutely, drop dead handsome David Beckham is looking. What a hottie!  Sigh.  He is just a vision to look at.  Like fine wine he just gets better with age. And he wears a suit so well too!  Sigh.  Had I been on the Fifa committee, I would have voted for England on the strength of David Beckham’s eyelashes and hair alone!  But then that’s just me.  And I’m weird like that!

photos courtesy of vanessavanillaflavour


 

My own harvest festival



While Vanessa made love to the camera, Mat made friends with the "harvesting" machine



Prior to this momentous event I had endured daily shots of G-CSF growth injections for nearly ten days.  This was to stimulate stem cell production.  Again, I had been warned of the side effects (primarily bone pain) but hadn’t bargained on feeling like someone was cutting me in half from the hips down whilst the rest of my bones were being wrung out.  I had this every day for nearly 10 days and the strongest pain killer I was allowed was a paracetamol. It was horrible. Apparently, this was a “really good sign” because this was an indicator of all the new stem cells mobilising themselves from the bone marrow into my bloodstream where they would stay ready for harvesting. 

I also had the pleasure of having a femoral line fitted which was surprisingly painless if a little undignified. The veins in my arms were too small for all the tubing needed. I did find it fascinating watching the ultrasound of my veins and arteries in my groin area and this made me feel a little better about the procedure.  The nurse involved was great in explaining what she was going to do.  I heard the word “femoral” and being a drama queen, thought of that hideous scene in Black Hawk Down but in the end, it was a walk in the park, quite dull really.

The actual stem cell harvest itself was pretty uneventful – I just had to lie there for a few hours while the machine did its thing – suck out blood from me from one tube, retrieve stem cells, return blood up another tube.  UCH have five of these machines which they obtained back in the 90s and so each machine was given a name befitting of its time – Ginger, Baby, Sporty, Scary and Posh.  I got Baby and needless to say as with the band, the busiest machines on the day were Ginger, Baby and Sporty. Not sure what Scary was doing but I noticed Posh at the end looking good but not really doing much.  No change there then!  Apparently, the unit is due to receive a brand new machine – small, compact with a shiny bottom and they are naming this one Kylie.



A miracle of modern science and they call me "Baby"


I was given two days to produce as many stem cells as possible and they give you these two days to allow your body as much chance for the harvest.  I was told that 4 million was the best number to aim for  – 2 million for use for the transplant now and 2 million to be frozen for use further along the line as and when I needed it.  I ended up producing 7.2 million. She shoots! She scores! 

I think other people were more delighted than me at the time. I was still on a come down from the actual harvest and the bone pain.  I also felt a little guilty as the chap next to me was asked to return the next day as he only produced 3.2 million stem cells that day.  He was told it was really rare for people to produce all the cells in one day, most people produce in two days blah, blah, blah.  And there was me sitting there over-producing after having reached my target. Gulp.
 
Now it’s a question of waiting for the hardest part of my treatment – the stem cell transplant.  I was due in hospital on the 1st Dec but my medical team wanted to give my body enough time to recover from the harvesting and so it’s been pushed to the 6th Dec when it’s all systems go.  I’ll keep you posted.

photos courtesy of vanessavanillaflavour

One too many Krispy Kremes...

As already mentioned, I have been pretty lucky compared to others in terms of my treatment.  The treatment regime I have been given involved radiotherapy at the start to shrink the tumour on my spine and 4 cycles of chemo alongside steroids and various other drugs cocktails.  Next stage is a stem cell transplant which will hopefully, give me the long term remission.  No guarantees mind but I remain positive. 

The treatments themselves are fine with the only “pain” coming from the cannulas being inserted but even then the initial pain is literally a pin prick. I did experience at the start of my treatment two needles from cannulas breaking in my arm.  The nurse trying to fit them commented on how it may have been my “tough” skin causing this until I pointed out to her that she was in fact hitting my bone whilst doing this. She got another nurse to do it in the end!  To be fair, that has been the only time I have had any issues with the  nurses, all the ones I have been involved with have been great fun as well as being thoroughly professional in every way.  I think broken needle nurse was just having a bad day at the time.

Unfortunately, they don't serve wine intravenously

The worse part of all the treatments has been the side effects and these have ranged from eye infections where I have been unable to see, joint pain, varying digestion issues, a squeaky voice etc but the main two side effects that have affected me the most are the weight gain from the steroids and the horrible tiredness.  The weight gain is a by product from the steroids and this also comes with hyperactivity so for a while it wasn’t unknown for me to be up at 3am thinking of things to do!  I always thought people with cancer are pale and wan and feeble looking except that from my own experiences, I look like I’ve just eaten one too many Krispy Kreme doughnuts with my moon face and Michelin man body! Never mind. Apparently, it does go over time.

As an aside and in case you were wondering – I still have my hair although it is shorter. The chemo I have had so far doesn’t result in hair loss but I will lose it during my stem cell transplant (the chemo used is stronger and nastier) and so I thought I would prepare for it by cutting my hair short.  I had been advised that to off-set the shock of losing my hair not only for me but for others, it was a good idea to cut it all off.  So I went for it.  I’m going to go bald anyway!  I have to say that although my short hair cut is good and people have commented on how it suits me etc I really do miss my long hair :-(




All my long hair gone - August 2010


The tiredness on the other hand is something else.  I have never felt anything like it before - it feels like a really bad hangover crossed with jet lag whilst having been up all night – but worse!  I have lost days sometimes just getting over it, mostly in front of daytime television – the 3rd mystery property may have come from auction as there was cash in the atttic? Or was it because the home abroad decided to come dine with me?!

photos courtesy of vanessavanillaflavour

That was the year that was




Watching Stevie Wonder in Hyde Park - June 2010

Although at times it has felt like my life has revolved around the 15th floor at UCH these last few months, when I have been able, I have done other things outside of my treatments.  As we approach the end of the year, I could do one of those cheesy retrospectives but I won’t – I’m really not that interesting!
 However, it does cheer me up to remember the good times I have had outside of the chemo and drugs cocktails.  Memories such as all the delicious TSC (Thursday Supper Club) dinners and the fun and laughter that usually brings;
all the dining out I was lucky enough to be taken to;
my amazing lunch at Claridges for Sarah’s London hen day and the way the UCH medical team were able to accommodate it amongst my treatments;
the gorgeous weddings of Sarah and Michael and Scott and Lucy and the ensuing shenanigans for both days;
the births of Alexander, Rosie and Roscoe – new members to my ever increasing circle of friends;
Café Rouge lunches with Kira and her need to power walk;
Stevie Wonder in Hyde Park (check out the photo above ^^^);
watching the World Cup and listening to the vuvuzelas; 
climbing with Amber and Ann;
climbing full stop and all the sexy climbing gear that goes with it;
eating wasabi peas with Marc;
celebrating my birthday and reliving our youth at Chessington World of Adventures and the ridiculous fun we had for the photo opportunity of dressing up as cowboys and cowgirls;
countless visits to the pub with Sam, Ben and Martha;
visits to the Lake District and Cornwall and their majestic beauty;
being there to experience the immersive Duchess of Malfi opera staged by Punchdrunk - the man sang opera to me whilst hugging me!! He was so close I could feel his heart beating.
being there to experience the immersive theatre piece that is You Me Bum Bum Train that was just a complete wow!! And being lucky enough to take part as an extra in its production;
being able to go back to work albeit on a part-time reduced hours basis between treatments. Not only did this make me feel “normal” again but it also gave me a much needed boost to my self-confidence – my brain still worked (!?!) and I am grateful to my managers for their understanding. 
Finally, our garden taking amazing shape from Mat’s simple sketch where I am really looking forward to seeing the fruits of our labour literally take root;
and just being, really.
I could go on but I won't bore you. It hasn't been a great year for me but there have been good memories too and I really appreciate them all.

I could also mention about how this illness has taught me about perspective, living for the now and all the other things you read about when it comes to cancer.  But I won’t because I didn’t need this illness to teach me about any of that.  I like to think that I already had perspective and living for the now and appreciation of all the good things in life.  What is important is that others learn about this too.  And that I don't forget.

photo courtesy of vanessavanillaflavour

And the Academy Award goes to….

Whenever I watch the Oscars and hear the winners gushing their thanks to various people, I think to myself do shut up, get a grip, and get over it!  But having gone through a bit of a medical odyssey these past few months, I know that I would not have been able to go through it all without the support of my fantastic family (both mine and Mat’s) and my fabulous friends. 

That Oscar winner, in whatever they have achieved has done it through a labour of love with the help of others and naturally want to express their thanks to those that mattered. For me, getting better and fighting this vile disease is my own labour of love over these last few months.  I, sort of, get now the need for the gushing.

I have been so humbled by all the lovely and kind messages of support which I have received and all the generosity people have shown. Whether it be spending time with me, giving me a quick phone call, sending me a text message, giving me small gifts or just making me laugh by taking the p*ss as per usual. It’s reassuring to know that I am still treated with disdain and sarcasm as before – sometimes richly deserved!!

The treatments and the various side effects I have been through have been hellish at times and sometimes I have felt like giving up just to escape from it all. But, these thoughts don’t really last long as I know I’ve got things to do, people to see and places to go to. I can’t let down all the people relying on me for all of that. I’m really far too busy to be ill!

I feel very lucky to know so many great people and to have your friendship and support. If you are reading this, rest assured that when I win my own Oscar, your name will be on that sheet of paper for when I get to do my speech. You know who you all are.  Thank you.

Quick re-cap

On Wednesday, 19th May 2010 I was told I had cancer. Specifically, myeloma which is a form of cancer of the blood.  It is a type of bone marrow cancer arising from plasma cells, which are normally found in the bone marrow. It is very rare for people under 40 and more of an “older” person’s cancer where average age of diagnosis is 71 although in recent years this has gone down to 60.  

When cancer was being handed out to unfortunates like myself, someone clearly recognised that “I don’t do common!” Don’t worry, it’s not catching so you can still talk and stand next to me even give me a hug if you really want to – it is just one of those things. Cancer doesn’t really give a sh*t like that.
Typical me, I bitch about a pain in my back for weeks thinking it’s a slipped disc and it turns out to be a tumour pushing against my spinal cord.  An old people’s one at that! What are the chances?!

It’s highly treatable but no “cure” as such and my prognosis is good – it just all depends on how successful the various treatments they throw at me are. Touch wood, so far so good.  Radiotherapy, chemotherapy and stem cell transplants – bring it on!!

No point in frightening yourself by Googling myeloma – it’s pretty scary stuff and a lot of stuff online is pretty old.  I have given up comparing myself to other cancer fighters and am just concentrating on myself, my treatments and what my medical team at UCH inform me. I do find it useful to hear about other people’s experiences but ultimately I am concentrating on me and my treatments given the complexities of this disease.

Understandably I was pretty devastated when I was told of my cancer – it’s not every day you get told you have a life threatening and possible life limiting disease – especially when my life was pretty good up until then. I’m not really sure how to describe the feeling. It’s possibly like standing on a beautiful rug that is your life and that rug being pulled from under your feet all of a sudden; it’s perhaps like your life being a beautiful canvas painting and someone kicking a dirty great big hole in it or to coin a phrase, someone p*ssing on your parade. 

Anyways, no point in getting too downbeat as it doesn’t really solve anything and I know that rugs can be straightened out, canvas paintings repaired and parades re-scheduled for a sunny day. 

I have been brought up to get on with it and I may whinge a bit and have a bit of a moan but whatever I need to do, it gets done. And more often than not it does – however randomly I get there!