Carry on regardless

Hello! I'm back!

I think it's been 4 weeks since I last blogged. My apologies to regular readers but I didn't really have the strength or the inclination to blog much from my hospital bed. There's only so much I can write about nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, cramps, pain, fatigue and all the other soul sapping effects of cancer treatment that everyone already knows about. I'm still living it. It's f-*king miserable and I thank the universe for whatever strength it is giving me to get up each day to get on with it.

The shining ray of light while I was in hospital were all my visitors. Thank you so much to all of you who came to see me in my hospital bed. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing your daily adventures with me, your humour and most of all your kindness and friendship. You brought a sense of normality into a room starved of it.

I used to watch the sun rise each morning and marvel at how beautiful it all was, dreaming of one day watching it not hooked to an IV drip. It's the simple things that matter and people telling me about their everyday normal nourished my soul.

I'm home now. I've been back a few days. I'm still struggling with all of the above along with the head mess but at least the thread count on the sheets are much nicer and the bed more comfortable.

To be perfectly honest, most of all I'm tired. Tired of fighting, tired of not being able to eat properly, tired of being strong and tired of this hideous disease. It's bloody hard work! However, don't worry, I'll be OK. I'm stubborn and I don't give up easily. Factory resets on anything take time to be up and running. I'll be 'me' again soon enough. If you are going to do something, go all the way right?

In the meantime enjoy these photos. I was getting fed up with my hair coming out in clumps so I got Mat to shave it all off. It still hasn't really grown. I'm probably balder now than last time. Ah well, hair today, gone tomorrow!

All photos by shewithacapitalV