Separation - A Modern Fairytale

Once upon a time in a land far, far away a girl met a boy and they fell in love. They were fantastic together, always laughing, living and loving. The world in its magical Kingdom gave them many exciting adventures together, some good some bad, but always interesting. For many years it seemed they had a perfect life. Except it wasn't really, especially during the many months when a curse fell on the girl and she got very, very sick. It was almost like the curse also fell on the boy and he too became sick. Except he wasn't. The boy made a choice and disappeared. Perhaps it was a bad choice but it was a choice nonetheless.

The girl got well again and knew that she deserved much, much better but understandably her mind sometimes gets filled with dark, scary thoughts. The girl sometimes feels that this is what happens when curses and wicked people enter the magic Kingdom and gets very, very sad. At times the girl cried so much she thought she would dry up and crumble to dust.

However, the girl is strong, some would even say resilient and as her body gets stronger, she hopes her mind will follow. She is not like your usual girl and never has been. She can be very stubborn at times, that's why she never gives up. The girl also has an awful lot of capacity to love and to be loved and perhaps because of this, she has lots of supporters in the magic Kingdom. She knows she would not be where she is now without them. 

It's scary walking through a forest full of frightening monsters, evil thoughts and bad omens but the girl's many Knights in shining armour, guards, fairy godmothers and protectors of the realm have all been there for her. The girl will be forever grateful and she hopes her protectors will always remain as the dark forest can sometimes still be very scary and overwhelming with its mean and nasty branches.

As the sun sets and a new year awaits, the girl is hopeful of a new dawn. But most of all she just wants to laugh more. To have fun. The girl misses that. She likes people who make her laugh and she hopes that she'll meet them as she embarks on new adventures. To fill a new chapter in the modern fairytale.

The end. For now.

High rise London life

As part of my new normal, yesterday I was lucky enough to end up in two of the tallest buildings in London - the Shard and the Walkie Talkie building (20 Fenchurch Street).

The Shard came about as part of a last minute "let's go up there for a meeting" scenario with work and the Walkie Talkie was a pre-planned early birthday celebration with the gorgeous ladies below. I'll leave venue reviews for another time but if you are able, do visit one or both buildings. It's worth it!

As you can see from the photos, in a word, it was all abit WOW! The views were breathtaking from both buildings and it really helped that the weather was so clear hence the fab vistas. 

It certainly makes you appreciate how beautiful London is and how lucky I am to know such wonderful people who are kind, generous, funny and know how to knock back a cocktail or three! Thank you ladies for a great night!

I was exhausted after it all but it was all worth it. Onwards and very definitely upwards!

View from the Shard

Another view from the Shard

Evening view from the Walkie Talkie

Cocktail No 1

Pretty awesome ladies - Debs, Fran & Kira

All photos belong to shewithacapitalV

A new normal

Well, it's the end of September and it's been a fairly quiet month. Hence the blog silence. This is a good thing because most of it has been spent trying not to vomit and getting lots of rest to overcome my fatigue. And I appear to be succeeding.

I still have a long way to go to reach a good level of fitness but as my birthday month approaches, it's good to know that a semblance of 'normal' (well, for me anyway!) is on the horizon.

The highlight of the month is my wig. I bought one as sometimes it's just easier. Easier to not have to talk about cancer. Easier to not have people stare. Easier to be 'normal'. Easier to forget my bald head. If only for an evening, afternoon, a day. Below is a photo of me wearing it on its first outing at a wedding Mat and I attended.

There's also a photo of us dressed as War Horse and Dorothy for Martha's party. My Black Swan costume didn't arrive on time so Dorothy made another appearance. The theme was 'Theatre' just in case you were wondering.

As I have mentioned, this is a new normal with lots of good things to look forward to.

Carry on regardless

Hello! I'm back!

I think it's been 4 weeks since I last blogged. My apologies to regular readers but I didn't really have the strength or the inclination to blog much from my hospital bed. There's only so much I can write about nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, cramps, pain, fatigue and all the other soul sapping effects of cancer treatment that everyone already knows about. I'm still living it. It's f-*king miserable and I thank the universe for whatever strength it is giving me to get up each day to get on with it.

The shining ray of light while I was in hospital were all my visitors. Thank you so much to all of you who came to see me in my hospital bed. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing your daily adventures with me, your humour and most of all your kindness and friendship. You brought a sense of normality into a room starved of it.

I used to watch the sun rise each morning and marvel at how beautiful it all was, dreaming of one day watching it not hooked to an IV drip. It's the simple things that matter and people telling me about their everyday normal nourished my soul.

I'm home now. I've been back a few days. I'm still struggling with all of the above along with the head mess but at least the thread count on the sheets are much nicer and the bed more comfortable.

To be perfectly honest, most of all I'm tired. Tired of fighting, tired of not being able to eat properly, tired of being strong and tired of this hideous disease. It's bloody hard work! However, don't worry, I'll be OK. I'm stubborn and I don't give up easily. Factory resets on anything take time to be up and running. I'll be 'me' again soon enough. If you are going to do something, go all the way right?

In the meantime enjoy these photos. I was getting fed up with my hair coming out in clumps so I got Mat to shave it all off. It still hasn't really grown. I'm probably balder now than last time. Ah well, hair today, gone tomorrow!

All photos by shewithacapitalV

Day Zero - Part 2

I tried to be strong and maybe it was all the drugs I had been given but I just cried throughout. So much hope and faith held in millions of tiny cells. I just want my life back. Is that too much to ask for?

12th August 2015 - my second factory reset, reboot, restart. Let the fun and games begin.

The night before Day Zero Stem Cell Transplant Part 2

'Twas the night before Day Zero...

Firstly, excuse the way I look. Chemo does that. Anyway, I got a complimentary foot massage earlier and one of the oils the lady used was frankincense. She asked what other oil I wanted to pair it with and obviously I had to say was gold or myrrh available?! Oh how we laughed. She's probably heard this dozens of times and was just being polite but still. I went for lemon oil just in case you were interested. 

This then got me thinking about the Special One and all the gifts he got from the Three Wise Men or Kings depending on which nativity play you have watched. I'm obviously talking about Jesus and not me or José.

Said in THAT tone of voice, I know some would say I was 'special'. Yes how very dare they  (har de har de har) but today I did feel special. So many of you were kind enough to send messages, texts and emails of love and support. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful. 

As you can see from my photo above, I also got gifts. It's not just Jesus! So;

Gift 1 - is from Mat from when I was first diagnosed and is a cuddly stem cell. Obviously. I love this guy so much. ;-) Go and work your magic folks!

Gift 2 - is from a nurse who remembered me from my last treatment and who said that she doesn't normally do this for her patients but because she thought  I was 'special' it was something to wish me luck for tomorrow. She was going to get me a dog but as soon as she saw this pink alien thing she thought it reminded her of me. Apparently, because it's different, bright and fun. Oh my goodness how blimmin nice is that?! Needless to say I got very choked.

Gift 3 - is from my Mum and is Oleg from the Compare the Meerkat adverts. I obviously get my randomness from her. No, me neither but it did make me laugh!

As I have said before and will never stop saying, thank you all once again for your love, support, understanding and kindness. You know who you are. 

Not just during this period but throughout the last few s#"%&y months during everything. A final and huge thank you to Fiona for the last two days. Have fun on your well deserved holiday! A star like you needs to dim occasionally so you can continue shining bright. Enjoy.

Once again, thank you all.

Going nuclear with Callippo

I've gone nuclear...with Callippo. To stop something called mucositis a new medical regime being encouraged is to suck on a Callippo ice lolly while the chemo is being administered. Apparently the cold in the mouth slows down the blood and so prevents the taste buds and other cells in there going scooby doo. That's as medical as you are going to get! I've had two so far and another one on the way.

Apart from a bit of a headache I feel OK at the moment. Hopefully I will be well enough to receive my new stem cells tomorrow so they can start working their magic. That's when the fun and games begin. Goodbye hair?!

In the meantime, enjoy the view from my window below.