Blueberries

"To be asked to describe what your sister is like is a bit like describing what a blueberry is like to someone who's never tasted it before".

There was a line similar to the above in a monologue play called 'Sometimes I Laugh Like My Sister' which we saw at the Finborough Theatre on Sunday night. I'm doing the line a disservice as it was a lot better than the butchering I have just presented above but I really related to it and the whole piece.


It was performed by Rebecca Peyton about her journalist sister Kate who was murdered in Somalia. Obviously not the cheeriest of subjects but worth seeing all the same for her bleakly funny yet hugely brave and moving tribute.


Going back to the blueberry line, how do you describe what a blueberry is like to someone who has never tasted it before? Do you start with the colour? The taste? The shape? The smell? 


I only ask this because I often wonder how someone would describe me to someone who had never met me before. We all die and it's only natural that once we are gone, people ask what someone was like out of curiosity. They ask when you are alive so it's a given they will ask when you are dead!


Everyone's thought about their eulogy right?! Okay, just me then. We are all a little vain and want to be thought of in the best way but I'm always curious about who decides on content. I'm thinking a full on Scorsese number with dramatic production, great dialogue and maybe a plot twist? Again, just me then?


I'm in a lot of pain right now and probably why I am having these thoughts. I spent all of yesterday in two hospitals to first have a bone marrow biopsy and then a full skeletal MRI scan. Just in case you weren't paying any attention, it's been just over a year since my stem cell transplant and so I need to be re-staged. 


This makes me sound a bit like a production of Les Mis but it is where the doctors want to see if it's yay, she's still in complete remission or hmmm, get the cavalry in again, we have A SITUATION. Like all good dramas, there is a wait for the results although I have already been given a CD of imagery from the MRI scan. Don't really know what I am looking at, so I am leaving it to the expert(s) to go through it with me next Friday. Oh the wait...


I said on my Twitter feed yesterday that the bone marrow aspiration was 'the best so far'. Today not so. I had the hospital's very own version of Louis Spence administering it and yes it hurt, but at the time, it didn't hurt like before. It turns out that I probably had double the anaesthesia given compared to last time and the flamboyance distracted me. He literally numbed the pain.


Consequently, I was away with the fairies a little in the afternoon because even though there was a bit of a performance regarding my MRI scan (mislaid forms, requests not received, an interminable wait), I took it all without a fuss. Believe it or not, I'm usually a bit gobby about such matters but I just wanted to get it over and done with so just sat there patiently.


Now that the anaesthetic has worn off, I am feeling sorry for myself. I think the dear old doctor was mining for gold in my hip as it really hurts now and I am hobbling about like Dr House. I've even got a cane just like him! Sadly mine doesn't have flames on it or a skull's head but it helps me move about. 


I wondered earlier today if I still have the fight for this. When you can't even walk up the stairs properly and having to use a cane at my age, it can be mightily depressing. I am allowed to wallow in it every now and again just because it is SO hard to carry on as normal when I'm not really normal am I?


Blogging has now resumed for 2012 - you didn't really expect me to shut up for long did you?! A belated happy new year and an early happy easter.


As you were.  I'm off to eat some blueberries.

picture courtesy of sk-lifefitness

Season's Greetings!

I have arisen from the food coma of the last two and a half days and although my muscles are still a little atrophied from the lack of movement, I think I'm OK...  


I am of course joking. I'm all good. I think?!  I know last Christmas I was in no fit state to eat, drink and be merry but let's just say I think I have made up for it this year! Oh my life, I feel M-A-S-S-I-V-E.  I know it's fashionable to go on a detox in the new year but I really feel I could do with one.  A Christmas bleach of my insides. This sounds a bit like the chemo treatment I had last year but obviously a bit nicer. I do have a couple of new books on this very subject but I am still not entirely convinced I believe some of the stuff in them so watch this space.


Earlier today saw me do a 2-mile Boxing Day walk with Mat and Amy. It was nowhere of note other than the village we live in but it was great as it was a lovely walk and gave us a chance to discover more nooks and crannies.  We really are lucky to live in such a pretty area.  


It also cleared the cobwebs from the Christmas Day food-athon of yesterday! We went for a SE Asian fusion feast with a rather large chicken roasted in a Thai marinade, traditional Christmas veg incorporated into a nasi goreng and beef cooked weeping tiger style. The Christmas cake(s) and copious amounts of cheese were more 'traditional' and the all day feast that ensued epic.  Coupled with the copious amounts of telly watching, all I can say is thank goodness for elasticated waistbands! 


Given the crazy of the last fortnight, it's nice to be able to kick back and essentially relax and do nothing.  I always find the build up to Christmas so much busier and stressful than the event itself and not only did I take part in the usual round of Christmas socializing to the point of thinking red wine should be banned (no way), there was also the matter of; 


- taking part again in You Me Bum Bum Train and loving it as much as last year's experience.  So much so that we are going again for the summer 2012 run. It is one of life's frustrations that people who take part in this cannot really talk about it openly as it will 'ruin' it for those that haven't been. The 'not knowing' is definitely one of the attractions of this 'experience!'  Ask me when you see me what it is all about...


- eating Korean food for the first time.


- receiving a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Lucy and Scott for my 'one year stem cell anniversary'. I was rendered speechless by the gesture and truly touched by their kindness especially given the recent distractions they have had. Thank you once again both, I am truly grateful.


- taking part in a surprise birthday party for Matt P and seeing him genuinely surprised by it thanks to Melody's superb organisation.


- receiving my final dose of 'bone strengthener' for 2011 and spending time with the fantastic healthcare team at UCH.


- seeing an amazing play called 'Crush' at the Finborough Theatre where not only was I hugely affected by the dialogue and acting on show but impressed by what a great venue it is for new theatrical pieces.


Anyway, 'Gladiator' is currently on TV and I'm getting distracted by it. Film watching over the last couple of days has been off the scale with 'Super 8', 'Troll Hunter' and 'Contagion' in the mix. Sadly not one of them has gripped me enough to not actually fall asleep (!!) although 'Troll Hunter' was quite good for being a little different. 'Contagion' just made me feel itchy!


The "Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife" speech is coming up and Maximus Decimus Meridius needs my full attention so I'm off. I love this film!

Christmas tree window view

Presents!

Christmas candles

My Christmas elf

Good King Wenceslas - by whistle! 'Notes' above. What a racket!

Swiss roll bowl cake - on fire!

Leftovers

The sparkliest & glitterest Christmas cake for miles made by Amy

Cheese dreams on a platter

Beautiful flowers from Lucy & Scott - thank you both!

photos from shewithacapitalV

Feeling festive!

Our Christmas tree this year
The pine smells wonderful!

Still not feeling a 100%.  My throat is still really sore and I can't seem to shake off this cough.  Mat is the same but his stronger constitution seems to be fighting off the bugs a lot faster as he is already talking about climbing again some time over the next few days!

We had a TSC Christmas meal at The Swan at the Globe on Friday night where a good time was had by all.  It was a great venue with a fantastic atmosphere and terrific food.  And Shakespeare read out over the tannoys in the toilets!  A little disconcerting but somewhat reassuring as you do your business as it did feel like Simon Callow was in the corner reciting Hamlet :o)

Anyway, I have been feeling festive and as you can see from the pictures below, the festive countdown chez Capital V has started. I still can't believe that this time last year I was in hospital and now I have decorated our tree.  I feel very lucky that I am able to do so.  However, as you can see the randomness remains. When Christmas decorating, it is not always about the baubles...!

Another view of our tree

Decor in close up

Yes, that's a caterpillar. And a ladybird. And a pink elephant.
It's not always about the bauble!

I have also been making my own Christmas cards - smug or what?! Crafting after all is the new rock and roll :o)

I'm off to get some shut eye. It's going to be a busy week!

All photos by shewithacapitalV

Happy birthday to me, myself and I

The stem cell - pluripotent. Special.

According to Wikipedia, December 8 is the 342nd day of the year, the day that John Lennon was shot dead and Archduke Maximilian Franz of Austria was born. It's also my 'other' birthday or rather Day Zero.


I can't quite believe that this time last year I was having a full on chemical romance to fully get rid of this cancer and so get better. One year on, I'm still in complete remission and still standing. Go me! 


To add to the whole medical drama that is my life, I have been unwell most of this week. Nothing more dramatic than a nasty cold/flu virus I have picked up but ill all the same. I'm feeling better now although I did feel like I was going to die a couple of days ago! This time last year when I could have actually died, I felt OK. Strange how that happens.


Anyway, last year I do remember telling myself that I would mark this day in some way each year even if it is just by eating cake. Or having a glass of wine. I have to toast each one of the 3.6 million stem cells pumped back into me somehow! Each and every one of them. Even the ones in the freezer. I hasten to add that these aren't next to our frozen peas or garlic bread but the ones held in storage at the hospital for when I need them. As of today, there isn't actually a cure for myeloma yet, just lots of treatment options.  No one can actually tell me how many years I have till my expiry date. Two years? Four years? Ten years? Twenty? Erm, we're not quite sure. I'm hoping it may never come back but no one can tell me that.


It's not ideal, in fact it is rather crap but what can you do? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. It's just a question of getting on with my life. As written about on here over the past year and where I hope to keep mentioning the shenanigans that I get up to for many years to come.


Last weekend it was all about De La Soul at Indigo at the O2 where I nearly put my joints out dancing to old school hip hop and where Mat left his Surrey roots behind and got all 'street.'  All we needed were the tracksuits and bling and we would have been there I tell you.  There. It was possibly one of the best gigs I have been to in a while and brought back memories of my youth, when life was less complicated and not as scary. 


Anyway, apparently if a stem cell had a face it would look like the one above. Thank you Mat :-) I couldn't think of a better looking one for it. I'm off to get my groove on.  Happy birthday to me, myself and I.

Hello Wembley!

I was lucky enough to have been at Wembley Stadium today and to take part in one of their tours. It was all very exciting and I got a little giddy wandering around inside the stadium absorbing it all.  


I had been to both old and new Wembley many times for football matches and concerts. But to get to see the changing room and players shirts hanging, to be able to walk through the players tunnel, see the dug-outs and see the famous pitch was very exciting!  The geezer bird in me came out and I was half-tempted to start chanting En-ger-land! En-ger-land! En-ger-land! I did ask if we could run on to the pitch but I got told no. Obviously! I did get to chant, "Hello Wembley!" as I am pure cheese and it would have been rude not to given that I was in one of the greatest stadiums in the world.


All I needed was David Beckham in his England kit and I would really have been in the Theatre of Dreams!


A few photos below:

Entrance to the pitch and tunnel area

Tunnel area

Famous England shirts!

Beyond excited and mesmerised!

The famous Wembley Stadium turf

View from one of the £90,000 (!!) a year seats

The famous crossbar (lit up in blue)
from THE 1966 England World Cup game

Keep calm and carry on

Apparently I'm 'normal'. For someone who has never been or tried being 'normal' this was the best thing to be said to me in a long while. 


I hasten to add that the person calling me 'normal' was my cancer consultant on Friday. She was looking through her monitor going through the latest results of my blood tests with me.  I ticked every 'normal' box. Various measurements of blood and myeloma indicators, check.  Liver, kidneys, bladder and other major organs, check. No significant pain issues, check.  "Hair looking well", check. "You look very well", check.  Aside from a pamidronate infusion to strengthen my bones in a couple of weeks, all is good.  Nearly a year on since my stem cell transplant and everyone is happy.


I had been quite nervous leading up to this appointment. I know that in all aspects my life is back to 'normal' but it isn't really. Every cold, sniffle, ache, pain, headache, stiffness and other strange goings on my body goes through I have to keep an eye on. And don't even get me started on the emotional and psychological aspects of it all. It's a bit of a head mess knowing that one appointment could result in your life going one way or the other but it is something I am going to have to live with. I don't really have much choice unless I forego any treatment but living with a scientist and friends 'in the field' make it hard not to believe the compelling medical evidence.


Yes, I have been reading about alternative treatments and although I quite like the dietary aspects of some of them, I am still not entirely convinced about the merits of some of the procedures...


Anyway, Mat and I have also tentatively started looking at wedding venues - don't get too excited as the ones we saw this weekend were not quite right.  I think other people are getting a little more excited or stressed on our behalf about our wedding but I know what we are like, it will be all right on the night...!


In other news, my climbing is going really well if I say so myself! I'm definitely getting better although I still need to get an awful lot fitter so I can try harder routes.  I watch all these incredibly fit and lithe girls nimbling up the rope and I'm so envious of them all.  I know it's only a matter of time and training but I just don't think I could get that good.  I fear age and stiff joints are conspiring against me even though I am constantly telling them to &*%^ right off!


I have also turned into a bit of a Twitter twit (or the one with the other vowel).  For someone not into Facebook, it's one aspect of social networking I have really got into. I'm not even going to attempt to describe why as that's for my imaginary Phd to debate in but let's just say I'm very into the spontaneity, friendliness, playfulness and general randomness of it all.  It's a bit like being in a pub where all sorts of randoms are blathering on and you choose who you want to listen or speak to at specific points during your pint...


@shewithcapitalV


Hope to follow you soon!

Saturday Night Live - doing nothing

And relax...


Apart from having to put up with dire Saturday night television this evening, I've had a good time tonight. I know I moan about 'enduring' the reality TV fest that is X-Factor and I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here but quite frankly, given that all I wanted to do tonight was veg out, they fitted the bill nicely.


This week has been non-stop and it finally caught up with me today. I have been out every single night since Tuesday and was up for going out again tonight but bailed out as by mid-afternoon, I just felt unwell - tired, a little nauseous and headachey. I think my wall had been truly hit. Smashed into even and I wasn't going anywhere.  I feel a lot better now - the vegging out has done me good.  It's times like this that I realise I am no longer 21. And someone who is still getting over cancer treatment.  That bit really pisses me off but at least I'm here to feel tired and pissed off.


Anyway, as a summary of my social activity this week, I give you my 'week in the life of'. Don't go expecting a Tara Palmer-Tomkinson IT-Girl style social diary commentary like they have in ES Magazine, we are talking me here so lower your standards;


Tuesday - Dinner and Drinks at The Fellow Pub over in Kings Cross where not only did we get to spend a fun evening with Tony, Debs, Scott and Lucy, I also got to see how great Kings Cross is looking at the moment.  I'm old enough to remember the prostitutes and junkies wandering around and now it all seems so tidy. And all a bit shiny.  I'm sure there are still hookers and drug addicts off to the side streets but the immediate area around the station just looks really cleaned up.  


And I got to learn about breaking one's little finger by reverse parking. Yep. You read that correctly.  Courtesy of Tony, we were regaled the tale of a tight reversing spot, his steering wheel suddenly springing back and his finger breaking. That man could start a blog for his mis-adventures alone!


Wednesday - Dinner and Drinks at The Bloomsbury Bar and Restaurant with Fi, Sarah, Rhian and Caroline for Fi's 40th.  Again, a good time was had by all.


Thursday - Wine tasting event courtesy of The Theatre of Wine. Enough said. The words tasting and wine are involved, of course it was good.


Friday - Birthday celebration with Mat where we had an amazing lunch at Magdalen Restaurant (oh my life the food was good!), a wander around Borough Market sampling various foodie wares, buying cheese from Neal's Yard Dairy and drinks in the The Market Porter.  We were supposed to continue into the evening but Mat and I were both tired at this point and went home for a relaxing Friday night to watch Drive Ryan Gosling's new film. A good film but horrifically violent and not one for the faint hearted.  I'm still traumatised by the lift scene.  


Tonight was out in Shoreditch night but Mat ended up going on his own with Roger and a good time was had by all from what I gather.  I did hear mumblings of being now 'too old' for Shoreditch but not sure if that was because neither of them wear skinny jeans or have shaggy hair cuts....


And amongst all this, I have been well into Twitter, @shewithcapitalV


It's a hard life!