C'est la vie

It's all very well being 'forty and fabulous' but there's feeling 'forty and fabulous'. 


Quite frankly, since the high of my birthday celebrations, I have felt more like 'forty and forlorn' of late.


I don't know if it is the sudden drop in temperature, the darker days, gloomy mornings, hormones, the fact that I've been unwell the last few days or a combination of all of the above but I feel rather flat. A bit like an old banger - tyred out (did you see what I did there?), rusty and in need of a new engine.


Last night, I met up with a bunch of friends who I hadn't seen for ages and it was great being with them all. It cheered me up even.  But it also made me feel a bit, well, I don't know, introspective.  


Everyone seems to be doing really well and so high achieving. And I just seem so normal, pedestrian, ordinary even!? I don't have the delights of any progeny to talk about, my career has plateaued, I still like a glass of wine or three, I like a laugh. And er, that's kind of it.


I know I have lots of good things happening over the coming weeks and months and we are getting married next year (woop!) so la vita bella.


And maybe that's why I feel this way. It is all good. But what cancer does to you (well me anyway), is that it makes you fearful of having or wanting it all in case you lose it. Or it loses you. Or you never even get a chance to have it.  It's a bastard this disease. So much so if it had a face I'd punch it. Hard. Physically you may be all sorted but mentally it's a different ball game to try and win.


Ah well. Musings over and time to get on. It's a start of a new day. C'est la vie.  


I'm off for a coffee.